Despite all the pain that has drilled a cavity deep, I still smile and move on. 2 long ones and my mind still hounds back again like how it does every day to that place in time. A haunting ghost grieving. I know that I will never have my ears hear that one word, but then again, having this word lay upon my ears WILL NEVER work out what I have fucked up. Cos that's what I did. I FUCKED UP EVERYTHING. I could have had the willpower to stand away and watch my demons die.

Today I hear that perfection never was once in the skin of my face. But that I knew. Because perfection only resides in one's sighted eyes. Then why for the seduction? Why, since the perfect one sits unknowingly perfect in his throne, doesn't even know that he is waiting, must I be a jest for the game the player plays?

For once in my life I earned it. And then I lost it to someone who sees me as an imperfection.

I lose.

My war was never good to win to begin with.

And I'm just left with dangles of questions of whys...