Christmas did not come this year again. Nor did new year.

This was supposed to be up long long time ago... very long ago...

I'VE LEFT SOMETHING BEHIND DOOR 22... AND NOW I'VE MISPLACED THE KEY... I'VE BEEN FUMBLING FOR IT... AND STILL AM... MAYBE IT'S STILL BEHIND THE DOOR... MAYBE NOT... MAYBE ITS GROWN MORE IMMACULATE FROM MY ABSENCE AND GONE OUT ANOTHER DOOR... AND THE SONGS WOULD PROBABLY HAVE REMAINED... I'M HERE WITHOUT YOU... THE LAST THAT WOULD KEEP SWEET MEMORIES WAFTING ON THE ARMAGEDDON COMET OF THE RESERVED ROOM OF MY MIND... RESERVED... BUT I GUESS RESERVING'S NO USE 'COS NO ONE'S RESERVED IT... YOU KNOW WHO... =) SENDING A SMILE YOUR WAY

Me. Spendin' some time with myself stored up in this room freezing my ass off in the cold.

Me. With stiff fingers trying to put in sad words of my degenerating self withering like the cracking dried leaves under the soles of my boots.

Me. Hungry for some kind of peace of mind unsound for time unknown, longer than the way my song goes crying.

And the marks of questions that I have been searching for, which I have already answers to, punctuate my head into punctures that leak out till I'm hollow.

Me. It's just me now, with the good company of myself, enjoying all that I have been enjoying for the whole of my life.

Where's you?

And this is a song I wrote last Christmas...

Getting There To Wish You Merry Christmas

This Christmas, I'll pine for you
I'll be waiting
I've got so much to tell you
And I feel I'm just beginning to realize
That the moments we shared
Might not come back
Cos I fear you've gone too long

This Christmas, He'll be the one
I'll still be waiting
To wish you Merry Christmas
But now I'll pray
For strength to carry on
And pray I'll see you soon enough
When I get there



I feel melancholic now.
Tis' the season to be jelly... falalalala lala lala
Don my clothes on my big belly... falalalala lala lala

The pinnacle of the day today was that wonderous comforting and warm embrace I received that removed the load that almost suffocated my heaving chest. Thanks for removing that load...

A sudden peacefulness seeps through my veins and I close my eyes to see a face I so long to touch again. I breathe in and the smell of memories fill my senses. And I smile to myself, often wondering if any of it actually did happen because it was too good to be true.

So where's the song gonna land now? Because it doesn't mean a thing anymore. It's ridiculous. Ludicrous, I say. Meant only to be sung for the moment but the music and words leech on even though you don't want it anymore. It stains and burns.... I can't throw it away....

Slap me in the face
I've just been spurned
And walk upon the cold grey stone I call my grave

I feel like a puppet on a string now, moving where the pupeteer moves me. I can't run cos I'm attached. It pains me just to yank the knots off me...

Thanks for sharing all your precious thoughts
You know I couldn't have done without them
So I say
And thank you for talking to me
You don't know how a little silence could kill

How do I go back
To where the hellos were nice again?

Let me take you down to where it happened
Don't hide away from me
Let me take you down
The ride is breaking
You got to hold on tight

And thanks for being so interested in my life
You know how happy that can make me feel
And thank you for having me
At least I don't feel that invisible

And thanks for being so straight to me
Your consolation breaks me down...

People of the world. Leave yourselves and allow your minds to grow. Your puerile thoughts will only serve to burn you with scorn. Love yourselves by loving the world. Don't just stand there and think the world owes you manifold. Because with that thought rampaging your brains, you'll only live in a bottleneck, restricting you from catching the brightest star there is to find. And that star might just be the star that leads you to Epiphany. Never fill your hearts with hatred or scorn. Live like humans. Live with pride where love conquers all.

Forgive. Hatred and grudge bring stinging words and swearing toungues. Hatred and grudge bear all flaws that do not have a single semblance of immaculacy. Hatred and grudge stunt our growth to be a more God fearing person. Hatred and grudge are the works of a fallen angel fighting a battle against God.

Never let the demons win.