Under Napalm

Falling embers, struck their devils’ tridents
And broke through our fragile abode.
The sky mushed.
The fields drowned and died.
Animalistic screams sucked out from the mouths
Of those who saw hell,
Abundant and falling from the blemished, burnt skin of the black sky.
The worst of storms roared in its fury.

Suffocating pink clouds roped by the winds
Down in spirals through my throat.
And then I felt the first sting,
The searing through my flesh
Scraping down to its rawness.
I coughed out a scream,
In unison with the rest of the burning villagers
And my feet ran.

The shards under my feet sliced through
As I fled and flew and flapped my wings
All bright in blood under the grilling flames.
I waved a thousand hands but none
Saw through all the pandemonium at me.

Choking and gasping and burning and crying.
The fumes removed what air I had in me to breathe,
To keep alive my life, however little there was left.
I felt my skin die. Charred and cracked
As I disintegrated into the ground.
The waves of heat killed my tears
And smarted my eyes and dried them up.
The whimpers I cried croaked from my cooked lips, black,

My spirits withered like the petals of smoke
That licked the earth, descending.
I thought I'd say another time
To my mother, how I loved her.
But my chances were swift now gone forever
As I slowly laid still in a shrivelled coaled up bag of skin.

I've realised that I've so much to learn. I'm so much like an empty canvas, so unfilled so unsatisfied without colour or texture. And here am I with colours all around me like ghosts so full and complete. And I walk through them looking like a slab of stone. While I have the freedom to siphon these experiences just by taking one step forward and abandon the grey clouds behind me, one of them grey clouds anchors me with the pull of laziness.

I fall, I stumble
I create excuses to cover up my acts
What weak soul do I have
Such small tasks I scarce can't accomplish
That big ones await me
I will crush and crumble

But today I will walk away
Which many a time I have accomplished
But to stay away, that will be a feat
For I know what I do wrong
And I pray to God for strength once more
To do what's right

I've decided that this is it. I've dwelled enough and I've gotta walk on. I've written things I'll never send, and bought things that ended up unpurchased for some strange reason. My heart still stings from not looking back anymore, although the temptation of turning back is so strong, I know it will never happen again. Not in this lifetime.

Happiness embraced me in its lengthy arms for that period of time that she filled my mind, and my arms. She's still reciding in the most comfortable corner of my mind. And I'm comfortable with that thought.

It was a real pleasure to know you. Thanks for the memories.

I've always been proud of practicing the things I have been preaching to my friends about what's wrong and what's right, until I found myself in a similar situation and I cannot help but to be utterly disappointed with myself. Many times, I was able to walk away and I've always thought that for my whole life, I've been blessed. Until recently when I guess I took it for granted. That was a grand mistake. There's so many things that I want to undo. Heaven help me. It gets harder and harder each day to fight my demons and to fight people in my life who encourage these demons to surface.

I dunno if there's hope anymore to claim back what I've lost. I'm still praying...